Mikaela

Written on 19th, July

I'm sick of being f*cking independent.
People see me and think that I'm independent;
I can do everything on my own.
But if I could choose, I'd rather have another half to share my everyday life together.
I'm physically independent (if you really wanna define it),
but mentally dependent; craving for a soul to cling to.
Especially when I'm really down; when the day of work sucked and I'm left to have dinner alone,
in a loud, noisy place like Mc Donald's, I really wish I wasn't alone.
How many countless meals have I had alone since my last relationship has faded?
Eating alone at home isn't that bad, at least you are attended to the TV.
Dining alone outside puts you right on the spot; no where to hide; you are exposed directly to the surroundings; you are fragile.
You look around, you see the majority accompanied, only a few like you.
They may have their own stories, but you are not interested, thinking, "no one can be as unfortunate as me".
Then you wonder, why in the hell do you always get picked up when you are hanging out with friends and none appears when you are all by yourself.
Maybe it's your face expression. When you are with friends, you look happy, that naturally attracts strangers.
When you are alone, you look tensed, guarded and miserable, that turns down people.
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I'm giving a two-week notice.
Life's too short to be engaged in a job you don't enjoy.