Mikaela

離開了你
我卻難以忘記
你擦的香水味道
曾經佈滿我的課本
想起你的時候
湊近書深深的吸一口氣
彷彿還能感覺到你
記憶中那個味道是屬於你特有的
曾經有一兩次在台北街頭不經意的聞到路人有噴很類似的香水
我很想上前去問那是什麼香水
但是都作罷
於是至今
我還是不知道那是什麼
只知道它在我的記憶中愈來愈淡
我好怕忘了這個味道
好像這樣我就再也保存不了任何與你有關的東西
最近跟你聊天提起了你那時擦得香水
你說Body shop, 我說不可能
想了想你又說 Armani
我才稍微想起好像曾經看過
記得那時你有兩瓶香水
另一瓶好像是香奈兒, 雖然你堅稱是Body shop

想對你表達我對你的想念卻不敢
突發奇想的期望
我若能在你即將到來的生日前找到那瓶香水寄給你
你可能會想起我們的過往
可能也會和我有一樣的心情
我們說不定會改變關係

於是我問了香水部的同事
請她幫我找出那一年 Armani 的男香
我看了型錄
認出一瓶我覺得很像的香水 Aqua Di Gio pour Homme
當時我好雀躍
想不到我摸索了幾年的味道
竟然這麼容易就找到了

下了班我立刻前往店裡親自聞聞看確定它是不是那瓶香水
結果卻令我失望
因為跟我記憶中的味道不相同
我把其他同品牌的男香甚至女香都聞過一遍
聞完十幾瓶我幾乎暫時分辨不出味道
發現另外一瓶比較像記憶中的味道
但是瓶身很不像
所以我問推銷員是不是有改過包裝
以前是不是有出過類似基調的香水
但是一問三不知
她說可能太久的都停產了
好不容易找到的線索頓時像斷了線的風箏一去不返

失落的走出店外
下著細雨
我覺得好難過
那一份特殊的味道
被世界遺忘了
我卻還奮力想重溫
會不會連他也忘記那味道了
我希望他不會
還天真的想會不會因為找不到那瓶香水
不能寄給他
我就會被他遺忘
過去的一切就再也找不回來了

抱著一絲絲希望
翻箱倒櫃的把那本課本找出來
可是香味已經消失了
又再一次被打擊
覺得心好空
魂飛走了一樣

一直重複聽著タイヨウのうた
歌聲中有堅強卻也有悲傷
跟小薰最後的時候一樣
冒著可能會死的危險也要追尋自己的夢想
一直到生命的最後一刻都很認真的實現夢想
一直到生命的盡頭都很認真的去愛一個人
面對這樣的遭遇會有遺憾卻不會後悔
因為我們總要做很多選擇和決定
雖然可能會犯錯
every minute is a turning point
every decision leads to a brand new future
similar to the movie "Next"
but in reality we can't see 2 minutes ahead
or dream about the whole incident as if it already happened and wake up next to our lover in bed then try to fix

everything before it comes true
When what we can control is so limited
life is analogous to a gamble
It's better to make a mistake than make no decisions at all.
It's better to have tried and failed than not having the courage to try at all.
至少不要讓自己後悔
遺憾
多多少少都會有吧

"夜晚的遊樂園果然都是情侶"
這是日劇太陽之歌裡的一句話
以前去遊樂場的目的就是要玩片所有刺激的遊樂設施
覺得一定不能下雨而且視野要好
因為我不論是坐自由落體雲霄飛車眼睛幾乎都是睜開的
雖然有懼高症不過從空中看到的景色真的很美
今天這集看到晚上的遊樂園覺得很浪漫
尤其是閃耀著五顏六色光芒的摩天輪
自從去了台場的摩天輪之後
就深深的被它吸引
從那時候開始
摩天輪好像有一種魔力
讓我覺得跟喜歡的人能一起去坐摩天輪是件很開心的事
事實上我也跟一些人去坐過
不過真的氣氛很好的只有一次
很奇怪
有時候人對了但是會有一方氣氛不對
例如拿著像機一直拍外面的景色
讓對方覺得被冷落
這樣就一點都不浪漫

印象最深刻的摩天輪
1999九州第一還第二大的摩天輪 (感覺上最大)
2001富士急樂園摩天輪(看到富士山很美)
2004台場摩天輪(燈光秀最美)
2005美麗華摩天輪
2007夢時代摩天輪(只有看沒有坐)
日本的遊樂園有的開到凌晨三點耶 好好
下次晚上去遊樂園吧!

最喜歡這個畫面
看到雨音薰的笑容我也可以了解
覺得被喜歡的人載好幸福好幸福

昨天第一次看到太陽之歌
不知道看到的是第幾集
應該蠻剛開始的
不過
我被它拍攝的地點嚇到了
沿路的海灘
我還在想這片海灘很美
畫面上清楚的出現"鎌倉"的路牌
我已經很驚訝
接著出現"江之島"
我簡直快要瘋了
(我去過那裡!我們走過那座橋!)
2004年的夏季
在那裡有很美好的回憶
還記得當時炙熱的陽光
還有110%的熱情
真慶幸我們有去參加學校辦的見學

wow 真ㄉ太酷ㄌ
我發覺換成BBSㄉ畫面就會不由自主想用上下鍵
想當初是進ㄌ交大才學會用BBS
第一ㄍ學期還不太會用所以幾乎都不上線
後來比較會用ㄌ有時候會掛在線上
習慣一下課回宿舍就看一下BBS看一下NCTU版
NCTU版雖然有時候有些蠻機車ㄉ文章
不過大部分ㄉ時候其實還蠻好笑ㄉ
每次一有地震就會有人PO "地震"
一點點風吹草動都有人要報告一下
後來畢業ㄌ以後發現在FL板上ㄉ人少又少
過去常光顧ㄉ班版和一些朋友ㄉ版也都缺水枯竭ㄌ
就幾乎不想上去ㄌ
那也許就是屬於大學ㄉ一部分回憶吧

去灌個人唱片吧
就像寫心情日記一樣
等過幾年再聽到自己的歌聲
又會另一種心境
早知道就早兩年去錄了

I never thought that a right decision could generate such regret and pain that last this long.
Don't you only feel bad when you make a mistake?
The desicion was made in Oct 2004.
I was true to my conscience but unfaithful to my heart.
The victim of my own deed.

We keep on changing
life keeps on going
The past is forever gone
lost
and perhaps never found
As hard as I yearn
I can't return to the past
As hard as I seek
the future I cannot see
What then is left is what's in between
here and now
The Present
I shall seize

It has two meanings
one extremely positive
yet another equally negative
Who says they aren't two of the same thing?

有很多感慨
長大了
很多事可以做得到
問題都可以處理好
但是彷彿失去了單純玩樂體驗人生的機會
看著大學時熱舞社成發的照片
覺得好羨慕當時的自己和身旁的人
一種生命力和熱情
好遙遠
何時才能再次毫無目的的走在校園裡看風景
何時才能按照自己的興趣安排課表想禮拜幾上課就禮拜幾
心情不好身體不舒服想翹課就翹課
上課愛吃東西就吃
和三五好友坐在一起閒聊
毫無顧忌的大笑
怎麼
感覺這一切都離我好遠
練舞的熱忱隨著年齡增加體力降低而逐漸削減
愈來愈認清自己的能力有限和天份不足
想當舞者的夢也許也要面臨現實
還有其他很多層面也覺得慢慢在走下坡
我是不是未老先衰
還是因為最近開始上班當老師之後心智也一下子老很多

孟霖寫的:


畢業前夕

那一夜，內灣民宿裡
忘卻世俗的一切 尋找自我
即使歡笑 淚水 悄悄流過
那片刻的美好 依然長存

給大馬的話
腳踏實地 馬到成功

給小馨的話
深情款款 真愛無敵

給小雞的話
坦率執著 白裡透紅

給KENNY的話
幽默風趣 體貼用心

給筱璇的話
動靜皆宜 人小志高

給雨筑的話
自信信人 美由心生

給文璇的話
舞動自我 恣意而飛

給建華的話
堅持己念 乘風而行

給兔子的話
化阻為助 堅持到底

給佳芬的話
反璞歸真 沉澱自我

給霜敏的話
展翅高飛 燦爛人生

再重新回到外文bbs站
站上好友只剩小貓幾隻
感觸良多
像過往一樣上NCTU版閒逛
但是再也不是交大的在校生了
雖然一日為交大人
終生為交大人
但是此刻
為何我覺得交大的一切離我那麼遠呢?
畢業了
從在校生變成校友
從學姊變成"傳奇"
心裡總是有那麼一份失落和不捨
OPEN HOUSE MODEL大一的時候也參加過
現在又看到同樣的徵選
但是已經失去參選資格
傳情活動
很遺憾大學沒有送過記憶中也沒有收到過
大四的時候問我
大學有沒有什麼遺憾
當時覺得該做的應該都做了
沒有什麼遺憾
畢業過了一段時間
心中的遺憾才慢慢浮現出來
在未來的歲月裡
是不是會愈來愈多呢?

今天學到
多帶給身邊的人快樂
少帶給身邊的人煩惱
也是一種責任吧
本來我是真的不喜歡想這些的
覺得是朋友愛人家人就不會介意我真正的樣子
所以情緒想法通通都表現出來
但是
有個人提醒了我
不能一直這樣
個性直的太像小孩子了
對愛的人態度有時也不可過於直接
只怕造成無心傷害
一個日本綜藝節目的女富豪企業家也說
如果身邊的人不快樂
即使擁有很多財富
也不能叫做幸福
所以她都和家人分享她的財富
不過她真的太有錢了
住在六本木Hills
去海外Chanel每次消費上千萬日幣
開紅色法拉力 (那根本是我從小夢想的車)
請英國皇室御廚來家裡作菜
很了不起的商人
從今天開始努力讓身邊的人快樂吧
至少 不要把自己的不快樂帶給他們
加油!

Written on 19th, July

I'm sick of being f*cking independent.
People see me and think that I'm independent;
I can do everything on my own.
But if I could choose, I'd rather have another half to share my everyday life together.
I'm physically independent (if you really wanna define it),
but mentally dependent; craving for a soul to cling to.
Especially when I'm really down; when the day of work sucked and I'm left to have dinner alone,
in a loud, noisy place like Mc Donald's, I really wish I wasn't alone.
How many countless meals have I had alone since my last relationship has faded?
Eating alone at home isn't that bad, at least you are attended to the TV.
Dining alone outside puts you right on the spot; no where to hide; you are exposed directly to the surroundings; you are fragile.
You look around, you see the majority accompanied, only a few like you.
They may have their own stories, but you are not interested, thinking, "no one can be as unfortunate as me".
Then you wonder, why in the hell do you always get picked up when you are hanging out with friends and none appears when you are all by yourself.
Maybe it's your face expression. When you are with friends, you look happy, that naturally attracts strangers.
When you are alone, you look tensed, guarded and miserable, that turns down people.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm giving a two-week notice.
Life's too short to be engaged in a job you don't enjoy.

昨天以前
-------------------------------------------
我仍然愛你是種感覺
我一直忠於我的感覺
你仍在等我是種直覺
我一直仍相信我的直覺
You gotta let him go
我留戀徘徊在雨聲街
沿著街道是回憶路線
我想製造偶遇的機緣
單純的 只想在看你一眼
下不完的雨 雨聲街
名字真教人心碎
他緊緊依偎躺在你身邊
我決定戒咖啡
-------------------------------------------
你眼神一直在後退
這樣的逃避累不累
為何我們不乾脆面對
答案我已經無所謂
不想聽你解釋那些
難道你不懂 愛不能分配
我信任一個人 我才剛學會
你卻輕鬆的將它 撕裂
你的 沈默有一點狼狽
而我也不想知道 她是誰
背叛跟諾言正在殘忍的
瓦解我的世界
你的 眼淚太惡劣
我無法安慰 你那些後悔
反正我連自己心在流血
都沒有感覺
默認像無奈的語言
穿梭在空蕩的房間
摀住耳朵也無法拒絕
你的臉離我好遙遠
說什麼已經聽不見
昨天的擁抱 好像好久以前
我愛上一個人 我才剛學會
你卻輕鬆的讓它 毀滅
沈默有一點狼狽
我沒有 我不敢 我不想感覺

因為沒去95送舊
剛剛下載了送舊影片
看我們的照片還好
只覺得大家的外型都變很多
看到老師的話
才看到第二個老師望伯就忍不住感動落淚!
看完之後才真的有畢業的感覺
原來老師都希望我們回來看他們
想不到余君偉這麼感性
那我以後有空一定要回來看老師

我病了
因為我一個人
我病了
因為想著一個人
雨還在下
多少個下雨的夜
黎明破曉時
會放晴嗎
好多好多約定
被記住還是被遺忘
時間只能讓心平靜
無法讓心忘記
人變了嗎
還是都一樣
我希望有一部分改變
但希望熟悉的不變
只希望我愛的人愛我

Are we attracted to the same type of person all the time?
Are we dating the same person over and over again?
I saw this on Sex and the City and I can't help but feeling that it's so right.
I mean, just look at me, look at my sister, we have been falling in love with people who have similar traits.
We keep repeating the same mistakes.
And looking at those photos she took lately brought many weird and familiar feelings back to me.
Mt. Cootha, La Dolce Vita, Milton Freestyle, South bank
this is of course not a conincidence,
I mean, after all how many other good places are there in Brisbane?
We may change the people who we're going out with,
but we seldom change the places that we go to.
Why?
Maybe there is no answer.
Maybe the answer is that we're lazy.
And you know, these romantic and chic places that you had once been to, with someone you like,
millions of other couples have been there too.
They've probably met there and fell in love at first sight.
Or they proposed there, or, most likely, they broke up there.
So what makes you and your date so special?
What makes you think that you're the only ones who shared a beautiful memory there once,
and begin to feel weird when you see others go there?

Mr. Big, typical, like many dickheads that breaks a girl's heart.
He is lovable, charming, no doubt.
But when it comes to relationship, love, he is a coward.
Lack of faith, responsibility and sincerity.
I would only say that I'm losing faith and needed an assurance from you because I love you, more than you love me.
I gently pushed you away hoping that you would lean forward and embrace me tightly in your arms.
But you did nothing.
You said nothing.
You walked away, like Mr. Big.

April 11 is the 101st day of the year in the Gregorian calendar (102nd in leap years).
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I only just found that out, 101 is kinda special to me.
Also surprising that many of the people born on this day in the past are either singers, actor/actress,
writers, film makers or athletes; most of whom are artistic or athletic
Does that suggest something about me and what I can do?
The first person on this list "a Roman Emperor", amazing! but too out of reach
The last person on this list, "a 15-year-old director", a genius!
James Parkinsons is about the only person I know apart from Joss Stones, who really isn't popular.Being born on the same date as him is kinda cool, but I hope I'll have nothing to do with the disease named after him.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Births
146 - Septimius Severus, Roman Emperor (d. 211)
1357 - King John I of Portugal "the One With Good Memory" (d. 1433)
1374 - Roger Mortimer, 4th Earl of March, heir to the throne of England (d. 1398)
1492 - Marguerite of Navarre, wife of Henry II of Navarre (d. 1549)
1592 - John Eliot, English statesman (d. 1632)
1705 - William Cookworthy, English chemist (d. 1780)
1721 - David Zeisberger, Moravian missionary (d. 1808)
1722 - Christopher Smart, English poet (d. 1771)
1755 - James Parkinson, English physician (d. 1824)
1769 - Jean Lannes, French marshal (d. 1809)
1798 - Macedonio Melloni, Italian physicist (d. 1854)
1810 - Sir Henry Creswicke Rawlinson, English soldier and orientalist (d. 1895)
1819 - Charles Hallé, German pianist and conductor (d. 1895)
1825 - Ferdinand Lassalle, German politician (d. 1864)
1852 - Cap Anson, American baseball player (d. 1922)
1869 - Gustav Vigeland, Norwegian sculptor (d. 1943)
1876 - Paul Henry, Northern Irish artist (d. 1958)
1883 - Hozumi Shigeto, Japanese author (d. 1951)
1889 - Nick LaRocca, American musician (d. 1961)
1893 - Dean Acheson, U.S. Secretary of State (d. 1971)
1900 - Sandor Marai, Hungarian writer (d. 1989)
1906 - Dale Messick, American cartoonist (d. 2005)
1908 - Leo Rosten, American humorist and author (d. 1997)
1910 - António de Spínola, Portuguese general and politician (d. 1996)
1911 - Stanislawa Walasiewicz, Polish-born runner (d. 1980)
1913 - Oleg Cassini, American fashion designer (d. 2006)
1914 - Robert Stanfield, Premier of Nova Scotia (d. 2003)
1916 - Alberto Ginastera, Argentine composer (d. 1983)
1917 - David Westheimer, American novelist (d. 2005)
1928 - Ethel Kennedy, wife of Robert F. Kennedy
1930 - Anton LaVey, American founder of the Church of Satan (d. 1997)
1931 - Johnny Sheffield, American actor
1932 - Joel Grey, American singer and actor
1935 - Richard Berry, American singer, and composer (d. 1997)
1938 - Kurt Moll, German bass
1939 - Louise Lasser, American actress
1944 - John Milius, American director and writer
1946 - Bob Harris, British disc jockey and presenter
1947 - Peter Riegert, American actor
1947 - Meshach Taylor, American actor
1949 - Bernd Eichinger, German film producer
1951 - Doris McGowen Beck Angleton, American socialite (d. 1997)
1951 - James Patrick Kelly, American author
1953 - Andrew Wiles, British mathematician
1953 - Guy Verhofstadt, Prime Minister of Belgium
1955 - Kevin Brady, American politician
1955 - Michael Callen, American singer and songwriter (d. 1993)
1958 - Stuart Adamson, British musician (Big Country) (d. 2001)
1959 - Frank C Scott, Australian photo-journalist
1960 - Jeremy Clarkson, British journalist
1961 - Doug Hopkins, American musician
1962 - Vincent Gallo, American actor
1963 - Chris Ferguson, American poker player
1966 - Mason Reese, American actor
1966 - Lisa Stansfield, English singer
1968 - Sergey Lukyanenko, Russian author
1970 - Trevor Linden, Canadian professional hockey player
1971 - Oliver Riedel, German musican (Rammstein)
1972 - Jason Varitek, American baseball player
1974 - Trot Nixon, American baseball player
1975 - Walid Soliman, Tunisian author
1979 - Malcolm Christie, English footballer
1980 - Mark Teixeira, American baseball player
1981 - Alessandra Ambrosio, Brazilian model
1982 - Ian Bell, English cricketer
1984 - Kelli Garner, American actress
1987 - Joss Stone, English singer
1991 - Dane Shubert, American filmmaker